May 2012
1 post
“had sex with a girl last night and picked up the cat when i was done and said, ‘now there’s two pussies in this room that i’ve owned’”
March 2012
2 posts
“the higher the dog, the sweeter the chill”
“THAT CUM COUCH HOLDS SECRETS YET TO BE UNLOCKED BY MAN”
February 2012
4 posts
“She’s straddling me on my floor playing with my nipples, I think she’s drunk. Should we roll over?”
“Yo hope you had a good poop, I’m out walking.”
“I’m drunk, but I’m positive I can beat the fuck out of all the twinklords here.”
“I talked to a Charger. And touched him. And he laughed. Like. I don’t even know where my life is supposed to go from here.”
December 2011
6 posts
“See you there. I’ll be the dude beating up minorities.”
“There is an Asian lady in a wheelchair eating a Cinnabon. I don’t need this right now.”
“Just started walking to the bank with a beer in my hand. My building manager saw me and asked what I was up to and then reminded me I shouldn’t have an open container. I just think he was pissed I didn’t have one for him.”
“Our friend works in finance and met his gf on the Internet. ____ just said ‘he wouldn’t know how to spread sheets if it weren’t for OK Cupid.’”
“I CAN’T SEE IT. SHE BLOCKED ME AND NOT YOU?????? WHY DO YOUR EX GIRLFRIENDS HATE ME MORE THAN YOU”
“Do I bail on the date to bang a sure thing slut??”
November 2011
2 posts
“Phase two: drunk sup ____ a little harder- engaged.”
Sent on Nov. 18th at 10:34am CST
“Well, it took a while but ____ finally boned a mom”
October 2011
6 posts
“So many girls I’d bang at this Filippis”
“Since I’ve texted you las night, I’ve had 4 Fernet shots and 5 cocktails. God Bless America”
“Autism is a myth”
“She tried to kill you bro”
“People say I’m a whore but _____ has blown infinitely more dicks than me.”
“I’m a slut”
September 2011
3 posts
“The girl I met has broken her tailbone via rough sex”
“You need to set me up with that young short haired chick so I can bang something from the 90’s”
“Just walked by N***’s car?love? He’s parked mostly on the sidewalk.”
August 2011
1 post
“OK you a slut n***a, that girl is diiiick hungry.”
July 2011
3 posts
part 3
“Like tree leaves?”
“haha yeah basically…i feel like im 12.”
part 2
“haha totally got scammed by some dude…i was pretty drunk @ that point but there are now leaves in a bag sitting on my desk.”
part 1
“fuck man. i remember making out with some bitch, buying fake weed and also puking.”
June 2011
1 post
“This girl is asking if me and the bass player from Fenix TX will tag team her. Aaron and I are considering it.”
March 2011
2 posts
“I was given the nickname Dirty Dick ____ last night by my boss. You ready to party next week?”
“I’m gonna buy 14 pizzas, a case of beer, get roadhead, and then just kill myself because nothing can ever be as great”
January 2011
1 post
“Id suck your dick bro”
December 2010
1 post
“I am thankful your absolute faggotry has taught me tolerance ^_^”
October 2010
3 posts
“Seperate. Dunno what she was saying, and dunno. I just yelled “DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THAT FAGGOT CUNT. FUCK HER.” and continued drinking”
“At a bar with aids girl trying to set up a threesome with one of her girlfriends, not going well”
“(2 of 2) I kinda thought it was just a mutual dgaf situation. I’m assuming it has something to do with us being bros. Pure unadulterated faggotry.”
September 2010
2 posts
“Funnier story: I was fucking that chick i met on my bday weekend and the rubber broke and i said “you better not give me AIDS” and she slapped me and made me leave her place”
“Well it took me nearly a month, but I hooked up with a girl I work with, this is a good idea”
August 2010
8 posts
“Oh man. 120oz of big bear= too much”
“Ya bro. Shit was primal”
“Lol mexican food”
“LOKO TILL U SHIT BLOOD”
“Fuck them bro, do it. Your mom would want you to. She didn’t raise no homo.”
“well you certainly didn’t get that name yeah from slaying pussy”
“Just dontt trust them or mess around with that shit, I’ll put my dick in any lady just about but that doesnt mean I trust them”
“Layin some pipe, getting in the europa pool, pissing on stuff nbd”
July 2010
14 posts
“If a girl you are with has to get an abortion before any woman Im with, I’m going to laugh so hard”
“There was a black out at the store and a customer asked me what happened so i said “Some say the store is haunted” and my boss immediately corrected me.”
“yeah murder out a hundai, that is a good idea”
“Making out with this girl and there was an earthquake, I told her we just made the earth move and she ended up blowing me. Hooray for siesmic activity”